Fashion

By Emmet Purcell

At times it’s difficult to believe it really is 2010, particularly fashion-wise. Consider if you will, that Reebok’s iconic ‘Pump’ sports footwear range were launched in 1989, or that L.A Gear’s ‘Lights’ range were released in 1992 – yet nobody has bothered following their lead.

Even 1987 Back to the Future 2’s predicted self-drying clothes and self-fastening Nike’s for its future 2015 setting, yet look around you and these days you’re more likely to see an old woman wearing Crocs or pajamas mixed with Uggs than any exciting, fashionable future tech – do you honestly expect hover boards in five years?

Thankfully, though with modest results, top boffins are working on the advanced clothing of the future, so we at JOE thought it was about time we previewed the five best high-tech haute couture for the digital age. Still no word on that hover board though.

How has no-one thought of this before?!

Calvin Klein USB Sunglasses –

Now this we like. Okay, sure the glasses look slightly feminine and most likely are designed for the fairer sex, that still  doesn’t take away from what is a great, innovative idea. Essentially, the above Calvin Klein sunglasses provide a little more than UV protection, as they feature a detachable 4GB USB memory stick.

Fair enough, people tend to lose their sunglasses constantly and yes, you wouldn’t want private documents or x-rated pics winding up in strangers hands every time you lose your sunglasses. In fact, you may be right – this is a fairly useless gimmick when you consider the potential security pitfalls if misplaced. However, in Calvin Klein's defence – they've just designed a pair of sunglasses with detachable USB memory - don't try tell them what to do. Make a mens version and then we can talk Mr. Klein.

‘Smart’ Clothes – Seemingly designed for moody women, developer Barbara Lane is working hard on range of 'Smart' clothing which have not yet hit the market but promise to analyse the wearer's emotional state.

Barbara’s design features wireless biosensors that measure heart rate and temperature and other electronics that wirelessly connect to a handheld smartphone or PDA. The data compiled from the sensors is then sent to the handheld where it's converted into an emotional state, which manifests itself into an inspirational message for its wearer. Can you imagine a jacket which can tell you're having a mope and instantly begins playing hilarious cat videos to cheer you up? Hopefully we won't have to imagine for too long.

Lips-pursing pose is optional

ViewSPORT Sweat-Induced T-Shirts - Pumping iron at the local gymnasium? Why go through all that effort if you've got nothing to show for it, besides an enviable, highly-toned physique? Obviously, what you need is your own t-shirt that provides perspiration-induced secret messages the sweatier you get - so the harder you work out, the more noticeable the image. Soon, you'll be the talk of the gym (for better or worse) with your 'magic' t-shirt, though we can't help but feel ViewSPORT have perhaps missed a trick by not letting customers customise their own messages. 'Wait for it, wait for it : BOOM!' would be a pretty fun post-sweat sentence to wear in our opinion.

Burton Audex iPod AMP Backpack – Tired of carrying your iPod in your pocket, like a complete idiot? Then you need the Burton Audex iPod AMP Backpack, which incorporates the iPod into the backpack and allows you to utilise a remote control function from your backpack strap. Burton were the first company integrate the music device into customer's backpacks, though it hasn't stopped rival companys from brainstorming exceedingly stranger methods of including Apple's music player (see below).

You can look as cool as this guy with your own iPod suit

MUSICGIR iPod Suit – Although it may sound like a Dragon's Den reject, the MUSICGIR iPod suit exists, and once again spares you the social embarrassment of carrying around an iPod in your pocket, which as we've already stated, is a disgustingly shameful practice. Why not buy a tailored suit that includes a strategically-placed pocket to experience a world of music without an unsightly box-shaped bulge in your trousers? The MUSICGIR suit features discreet loops that hide the earphone wires, and soft-touch command controls which are concealed on the left sleeve or front breast lapel. Is it worth the effort? Look at the self-satisfaction of the MUSICGIR-wearer above - you can't put a price on that.