World affairs

So there’s a good reason why jousting sort of died out as a sport after the Middle Ages. It turns out it’s actually pretty dangerous to hit people with a pointy pole. Who would’ve thought it? If only someone had stopped whoever organised this competition...

Orange reports that a knight, who was taking part in a jousting tournament in Germany, is fighting for his life after his opponent decided to stab him in the eye with a sword. Lovely. We imagine one of them just got a little bit too into character.

Apparently the sword, which was real yes (another great idea on behalf of the tournament organisers), went straight through a narrow slit in the knight’s helmet. That has got to hurt.

Medics have said that the victim is in a “serious” condition as the sword may have penetrated his brain. Again – who thought that a jousting tournament using real weapons would be a good idea?

“It was awful. People thought it was part of the show before all the other actors started screaming for help,” said one witness.

We’d imagine you’d have to be a fairly good actor to make getting stabbed in the eyeball look like it’s “part of the show.”

And what about the guy that did the sword stabbing? Well, contrary to popular belief, he wasn’t pleased and doing victory laps on his horse after vanquishing his foe and no, he didn’t immediately run off with the princess. He was so shocked he actually fainted, which is never a good thing to do when you’re wearing an incredibly heavy load of armour. He too had to be taken to hospital for treatment.

So the next time someone challenges you to a jousting tournament say no. Even if they offer you a barrel of ale and a dozen maidens, continue to say no. Nothing good can come from two grown men, dressed in armour and hitting each other with swords.